Joe, eBay and Niou, a Prince of Tennis fanfic
by thecellocaseofdoom
Summary: eBay can be deadly. Contains two OC's and none of them from Always, crack, Niou, and some of the regulars as background. Rated for Niou, language, and amount of crack. Please review!


**Hey! 'M back! And this plot came to me just this morning during the review for the stupid entrance exam I'm supposed to be studying for. I hope you guys enjoy reading! PS: Joe Jonas is not 'Joe'.  
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"What, are you wearing?" Niou Masaharu gaped at Kazumi's shirt. It was a moldy old black, with the word 'Kaz' printed on it. It looked to be about a million years old. And then some.

"What, this shirt? Don't you just love it? I bought it online for fifty bucks," Kazumi smiled happily at the shirt as if it was the most wonderful thing in the Galaxy.

"It looks like something an old person threw up and molded into a shapeless lump," commented Marui, chewing his gum. It was just another normal day in Rikkai. Well, as far as normal goes for Rikkai, yes.

"That figures, I got if from oldmanshirts dot org." she paused then sniffed the material. "Still smells like seventy years of unwanted marriage,"

"'_oldmanshirts dot org'_?" Niou said in disbelief.

"Someone gave me a link. Anyway, this is NOTHING compared to what Miyuki bought," Kazumi sniggered then began tying her hair up in a ponytail.

"What did-" Akaya began but was interrupted by a grand entrance from none other than Miyuki herself, sporting a blue T-shirt with the word;

'Joe' written on it.

"Where the fuck did you get that shirt?" Marui snickered, pointing at Miyuki who shrugged.

"eBay, you moronic ball of fat, eBay."

"So, who's this…Joe person?" Niou unleashed the power of his left eyebrow at Miyuki who rolled her eyes.

"Uh…well, Joe is my… boyfriend of…5 years?" Kazumi snickered behind her hand.

"Boyfriend? But you're only 12. So that means you and this 'Joe' person have had a relationship since you were_ seven_?" Yanagi piped up, his interest piqued by the unknown (and obviously a lie) fact that Miss Miyuki Mei Suzumi, 1st degree cousin of uptight and overprotective Kunimitsu Tezuka, freshman at Rikkaidai and friend of all Rikkai Tennis Club members, had a boyfriend at the tender age of seven.

"That's…correct, Yanagi. Hah! What do you say to that, Niou?" Miyuki smirked at Niou who shrugged casually.

"I admit that was impressive even for a girl with your looks, babe, but I had my first girlfriend when I was _five_."

…Silence.

"You shameful, shameful person," Kazumi poked Niou's breast bone, clucking her tongue.

"Well! When did you start knowing about making love and how people 'did' it? Hm? I bet you became a prostitute at the age of six!"Miyuki snarled, tugging at the ends of her hair in annoyance at being upstaged by stupid silver haired pillocks.

"Don't get all excited, Yuki. I was ten. Anyway, what's so special about this Joe man? Do you even know his last name?" Niou leaned back on the bench, ignoring Kazumi's shouts of "UNCLEAN!"

"His last name is…Jonas." Miyuki blurted out before she could stop herself.

"Why Jonas?" Kazumi hissed.

"I don't know! It was the first thing to come to mind!" Miyuki tried frantically to erase her mistake but it was too late.

"Isn't Joe Jonas a world famous-"Jackal thudded to the ground. The regulars stared in avid shock at Miyuki and Kazumi. Kazumi's fist was outstretched; Miyuki had a frying pan with a big dent on it. Both girls shrugged. Marui and Niou roared with laughter. Yagyuu chastened Niou. Akaya blinked. Yukimura coughed. Sanada took 24 aspirins then fainted due to drug overdose, which everyone always thought would happen to Niou.

"Yes! Joe Jonas is a famous… pilot man!" Miyuki grinned, hiding the frying pan behind her back.

"…Pilot man?"

"Yes! Pilot man!"

"Okay…"

"He flew planes!"

"_Without_ crashing them!"

"He also…played fifteen different sports!"

"Including tennis!"

"He was declared a saint at the age of three!"

"He declared world peace and ended world hunger!" Yukimura clapped enthusiastically.

"I'm still not impressed," Niou faked a yawn.

"He owns AMERICA!"

Several pairs of eyes questioned Miyuki's sanity.

"What?"

"He owns _America_?"

"Well, technically, yes. He lives on it."

Just then, a tall guy with blond hair walked in dressed in tattered clothes with a nametag labeled Joe. He had no shoes.

The Rikkai Regulars stared pointedly at Miyuki and Kazumi.

"Hi…Joe." Miyuki raised a hand as if to wave.

"I thought he didn't exist!" Kazumi hissed, trying her hardest not to laugh.

"Well so did I!" Miyuki hissed back, twisting her hair in between her fingers.

"Hey," Joe smiled at Miyuki and walked over to wrap an arm around her shoulder. Niou twitched. Kazumi's face ballooned with suppressed laughter.

Miyuki, on the other hand, was freaking out. The whole Joe thing was a lie, obviously. So why, pray tell me, who was this 'Joe' who smelled like he hadn't taken a bath in three years, was dressed in tattered clothes, and had NO SHOES?!

"Aw, baby, you look even prettier than the last time we met," Joe smiled and pinched Miyuki's cheek gently. Miyuki noted the fact that he smelled like rotting cheese. They met? But she didn't even know the guy! Does nothing make sense anymore?

Niou's eye was getting tired from all the twitching.

"I thought you owned America. You smell like rotting cheese," Akaya accused, pinching his nose in obvious distaste.

"I don't own America. Who told you that _lie_?" Joe replied indignantly.

Everyone pointed to Miyuki.

"Oh, speaking of my Miyu, I sold you on eBay," he beamed at his "girlfriend".

"You WHAT?! Your freaking moron! I don't even know you! Who are you?! I've never seen you before! And when was the last time you took a bath, eh? YOU SOLD ME ON eBay?!" Miyuki turned purple. Kazumi smiled happily at the pretty colors.

"Yeah!"

"To whom? WHO?! ANSWER ME YOU PIECE OF BROKEN SHIT OR I WILL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF!"

"To some silver haired guy named Masaharu," smiled Joe.

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**Okay that's it! This is basically just a one shot okay? Please review and tell me what you think… **

**Thanks for reading minna! Love you all!**

**~Miyu **


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